My amazing friend/teacher told me, “if you have so much you want to do, why don’t you make a dream list? Its like a bucket list, but for people that have their whole lives ahead of them.” Ever since then, I’ve been jotting down stuff for this list. But I have yet to formally put this list together, and I have yet to succeed in doing anything on the list. I swear sometimes I am a sad excuse for a human being. I get down on my luck, and bad things happen in life, I am just stuck feeling bad for myself, when I could be doing something I dreamed of doing. I know there are going to be some outlandish things on this list. But there are also some simple ones too.
They have been pretty interesting, or more like hard. We all know life has to get hard, before it gets better. But God sure has been throwing some wild pitches. First I can’t find a therapist up here, and my mind is going pretty crazy since I’m about to graduate college. Its a pretty big deal, and I want some professional opinions. Then 2 of my friends (Josh & Jonathan) get killed fighting in the middle of a highway. Everyone has been devastated. Including me. While I’m home, staying with my Dad, I watched him closely and I pretty much can tell the poor man doesn’t have very much longer with us. He’s 81 and still working. But he is in constint pain from his back and hips, and he doesn’t want help. I feel so bad. After having to take off school and work to go to funerals and visit my Dad, I come back to school(which is getting harder). I make up my work, get back into my routine, and I try to still help everyone with the deaths. Then while at work, I get a phone call from my brother, he had that tone of voice; the “something bad happened”. Which I heard when he called me to tell me my Mom had died. I almost had a heart attack, I was almost positive it was my Dad. But it wasn’t, thank God. Our house got robbed, not cleaned out, just my laptop I let my brother borrow, and his phone. Haha. This has now caused my brother and father to fight everyday, because it was a friend of my DADS! I thought it was a friend of my brothers. Nope. How damn random. But finals are this week. I have 1 project to do, 1 paper to do, and 1 presentation. Then I am home for 2 weeks. I can’t wait to be with my dad, and get my household straightened up (my mom usually held it together). I can help all my friends, my sister and actually spend time with them. That always makes me happy. OH and Thanksgiving :)
After man and woman have become aware of themselves and of each other, they are aware of their separateness, and of their difference, inasmuch as they belong to different sexes.
The awareness if human separation, without reunion by love-is the source of shame. It is at the same time the source of guilt and anxiety.
The deepest need of man, then, is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness. THe absolute failure to achieve this aim means insanity, because the panic of complete isolation can be overcome only by such a radical withdrawal from the world outside that the feeling of separation disappears-becuase the world outside, from which one is separated, has disappeared.
The question of how to overcome separateness, how to achieve union, how to transcend one’s own individual life and find at-onement.
If I a like everybody else, if I have no feelings or thoughts which make me different, if I conform in custom, dress, ideas, to the pattern of the group, I am saved; saved from the frightening experience of aloneness.
Most people are not even aware of their need to conform.
They live under the illusion that they follow their own ideas and inclinations, that they are individualists, that they have arrived at their opinions as the result of their own thinking and that it just happens that their ideas are the same as those of the majority.
Equality has meant, in a religious context, that we are all God’s children, that we all share in the same human-divine substance, that we are all one. It mean also that the very differences between individuals must be respected, that while it is true that were all one, it is also true that each one of us is a unique entity, is a cosmos by itself.
Whosever saves a single life is as if he had saved the whole world; whosoever destroys a single life is as if he had destroyed the whole world.
Equality today means “sameness” rather than “oneness.”
L’ame n’a pas de sexe, the soul has no sex.
Herd conformity has only one advantage: it is permanent, and not spasmodic. The individual is introduced into the conformity pattern at the same age of three or four, and subsequently never loses his contact with the hear, Even his funeral, which he anticipates as his last great social affair, is in strict conformance with the pattern.
soo I am at home in St Pete, just looking at blogs, about to buy some stuff I couldn’t find in the stores today. Then I turn on my iTunes, and just put it on random because I didn’t feel like choosing, and I came to realize that my music taste isn’t even taste. I have some of the most random music. Here are the next few random songs:
Third Eye Blind, Owl City, Terminal, Judy Garland, Debussy, The Cardigans, Taking Back Sunday, Garth Brooks, Underoath, Ray LaMontagne, The Righteous Brothers, In Fear and Faith, Lights, Casting Crowns, Miles Davis, Marcy Playground, Devil Wears Prada, George Straight, Chiodos, and Francois-Joel Thiollier.
No wonder my mood changes so fast, my music sure does. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty please with all the choices I have, I cut down to only about 15gb of music. That was hard, but I still have enough. Anyone have the same taste or some of the same?